What Happened in the Summer

Every year, it took a week of unexpected heat and humidity, days of incessant rain, and a sudden briskness in the air for people to realize that summer was officially over. By then, they were already ankle-deep with the next undertakings, a new semester, a new project, or a new fiscal year. With the help of seasonal depression, intensified by the conclusion of vacations, undertakings soon became struggles. Memories of summer were sent deep into reverie, only summoned when acquaintances you haven’t met for the whole season decided they wanted to know. “Hmm, what did I do?” You would scratch your chin, feigning difficulty retrieving all the fun things you did or did not do. Done forever was the summer, one of many in a lifetime, the only one in 2023.

In the 35th summer of my life, I was busy with a relationship; its merit was doubted by many of my friends, its legitimacy questioned by one. I swear I didn’t make it up. It just progressed fast. It plateaued fast too. Just as prodigy kids tend to backslide later in life when their skills give way to other overlooked underdevelopment, attraction alone does not build a relationship. Hidden behind the rosy promises were differences, and not the complimenting kinds. The upside is that, unlike a flaky partner, I can always count on some sassy commentaries from my dear friends. Though sometimes they were biased and triggered my defenses, the heart-to-hearts, especially the one-on-ones, lightened my mood and days. I love that I’m opening. I hope one day I can be honest too.

I also visited my family in China for the first time in over three years since the pandemic started. It was the perfect trip with lots of family time and fantastic food. As relaxing as a trip could be, every day, I still couldn’t stop asking myself what else I could do to make my overdue presence at home worthwhile. I dragged my sleepy ass to go to the morning market with my mom and help her carry groceries. I abused my granddaughter's privilege to get my bedridden grandma into an exercise regime. I filled in the itinerary of my dad’s grand travel idea of driving up north. I wanted to be useful every chance I saw, to feel less guilty about being away for so long. I wondered if my family needed me or my efforts. Very likely, they didn’t. But they pretended they did. For the month I was home, they made me feel like a daughter who had never left. For me, that was love in its purest form.

One anecdote was that I balled my eyes out on the day of my flight to China when I had to drop off my dog at boarding. Quietly settled in the corner of a couch and watching me packing, she probably thought it was just another road trip we would do together, like the many times in the past two years. Or she couldn’t care less. So many things happened since I adopted her, and she just stood watching, 24/7, her pupils reflecting all shades of yellow. That day, she watched me lose my cool, leaving her to reunite with my other family half a world away. The thought made me cry harder, out of gratitude mostly.

How was your summer of 2023? People say it is the quality of your relationship that determines your happiness. For that reason, my summer was happy. I want to thank myself for trying, occasionally too hard, to keep relationships against my introverted tendencies. And those on the other end for choosing to be in it and making it at least not too difficult. Thank you for making my summer. Friends. Family. Bailee. And even you, David.